Thursday, March 16, 2017

The Mustard God

Before the form of this planet that we inhabit today, there were three Gods of the Planet Condimentous. Thy Glorious Lord Ketchup Heinz was the first to be formed by the Universe, he lived on the giant fries that lay upon Condimentous. His brother was formed in as a mustard seed, a giant seed compared to his offspring. He lived upon the wild dogs of the land. The third God of the universe was relish, not relish of anything in particular he was actually relish a Jar so large it toward the whole world. One day on this beautifully inhabited planet Lord Mustard was jealous of Glorious Lord Ketchup Heinz popularity upon the live forms of the land. Mustard took his complaint up with Lord Relish. Lord Relish thought he was being a bit relish of Lord Ketchup. So Lord Relish smacked the yellow out of him and told him to change the way he speaks to his people to eventually gain popularity over Glorious Lord Ketchup Heinz. In those days they did not sell their offspring or even have a starting point of ingredients. Oh in those dark dark days they sold only their words at seminars.




So on a beautiful sunny day of the 5th millennium, Lord Mustard started to produce mini seeds as byproduct of the food he began to eat because the universe decided to evolve him. So Lord Mustard began his recipe to compete with Lord Ketchup and Lord Relish. Lord Mustard ruled over the world in that Millennia. Buy the sixth Millennia Lord Ketchup Heinz and Lord Relish started to get really jealous of Lord Mustard for getting all the fame and glory. All of the creatures of the planet put mustard on everything. Social mustard media, mustard fan gear, mustard Olympics, mustard car model, mustard bars and even Mustard pools. It was the biggest hit of the Millennia.


Lord Ketchup and Relish was smoldering with anger and anguish. They had become dirt poor and homeless. So they met up in a Mustard bar and plotted a evil plan against Lord Mustard. The next day Lord Mustard had heard the rumor from his guards at Mustard Seed Castle. He armed his soldiers with the finest broken glass jars of mustard, armed with the hardest steel mustard caps for helmets and Lord Mustard Brand shields. Lord Ketchup Heinz and Lord Relishes army was armed and ready. Lord Ketchup and Relish's plan was mustard stem and flower camouflage. They geared up with the stems and flowers Early next morning. Lord Mustard peered over out towards the west at the beautiful mustard fields. Then they started to march towards the castle. Lord Mustard ordered a few soldiers to check out this phenomenon. And the battle began with the shot heard around the world of a mixture of ketchup and Relish. Both sides struggled for power for the last two hours. Relish and Ketchup worked there way up to Lord Mustards dungeon. Lord Mustard drew his mustard sword and cut Lord Ketchup in half as red liquid poured out onto the flour. Lord Relish dropped on his knees and started to cry relish all over Lord Ketchup. At that moment Lord Mustard turned around and sliced his cap off.


Lord Relish got up not losing too much relish pushed a button to a mustard nuke. The World  Condimentous exploded into oblivion. Lord Relish not knowing that Lord Mustard had a mustard nuke proof glass jar, survived. He drifted into space and later died still floating in space. Right after he passed away he produce his seedling droppings which drifted to Earth. Now everyone on Earth honors him in his glory by selling and buying the finest and the rarest form of mustard of all in a 1 gallon jar. The taste of the heavens they say.









Fake News or is it?




Some Chinese News reporters did not take this as a joke. They wrote a legit news article, portraying satire as real new or real facts. A Chinese publication reporting this week citing The “New York Times” joking saying “A frantic President Trump, holding court in a bathrobe, ordered his aides to wrap the White House telephones in tinfoil.” This was surprising to some because the publisher treated this as a real news article. Fake news should not be a thing, the truth should always be told. It's hard to tell the Chinese reporters true intention. Fake news has been more frequent because the internet but America should let fake news happen because it’s the freedom of speech. If this talk keeps going on how we should handle fake new, the closer we are to the world of “1984!!”